Thankful

Its getting closer. The time of year where my heart aches a bit more. Where the wounds that have scabbed over start to seep a little as if the skin around them have been pulled apart. Every year when Thanksgiving comes around I'm reminded of four years ago, I was pregnant with Logan and life seemed to be on the track that I thought it should be on. We all know that in fact my life was ready to take a steep dive into a roller coaster of ups and downs and great heartache. I'd be lying if I said that I don't get a bit sad and bitter around this time of year. And I'd also be lying if I said that over the past four years that the sadness and bitter feelings that I have are the same inensity that they were at years one, two or even three. My heart is joyful with the blessing that I have. I enjoy my days with many more laughs and smiles - I don't let the sadness or bitterness stop me from living a full life of happiness. One thing that I can say with absolute certainty is that I've grown over these past four years. I've grown to be more understanding. I've allowed myself to open up much more than I even was before. I've allowed myself to fail, and fail in front of many people. I've shown more weakness than I would have ever allowed myself to show, I've learned to extend myself grace. I've also learned to shelter myself from things or people that may hurt me. My heart is more tender, brokenness has done that. I've learned that it is okay to say no, even to those that are most important in your life. This week of Thanksgiving I am going to focus on my joys. Focus on the things that make me happy. I'm also going to focus on the blessings that may have hurt in the beginning but have lead me to this new normal of understanding, tender heartedness and grace. I'm thankful for where I am in this journey of life. I'm thankful for those who have walked with me through this change. I'm thankful for the ability to see the blessings in this mess. Happy Thanksgiving world - make it a great one!