2018

WOW! How can I even begin to describe how big of a year 2018 was?
It was a year of a lot of first, a lot of lasts and a whole lot of life in between.
It was a year that we lost Dad. It was a year that we had a lot of firsts without him. It taught us how absolutely amazing our family is. It taught us that standing by each other and giving each other strength is the eye of defeat is what we do best. It reminded me that I am so incredibly blessed to have the family and friends that I do. It reminded me that my heart is always a bit torn, always missing pieces, but those tears, rips and scars are where the real love is.

We celebrated Savannah's first birthday. Our last kids, last first birthday. We celebrated last first steps, last first words. So bittersweet. Savannah is such an amazing little baby. She is happy all the time and, by no fault of her own, has become a camera hog!

Lexi went from being a second grader to being a third grader. I REMEMBER my third grade year. The memories she is making, this very instant are things she will remember until she is old and gray! Again, amazing yet bittersweet - I'll need a reminder in 6 months that she is only this age once and allow her to be a kid, allow her to form her personality, allow her to become who she is meant to be. We also started posting make up tutorials that Lexi has been doing. I'm so excited for her to look back at those videos and know that she was amazing!

Johnny has made such a huge footprint in our lives this year, even more than the one that was already there. With the passing of Dad, Johnny stepped up - big time! He's helped with some of the most stressful, disheartening and frustrating situations, but he has also remembered to be kind and thoughtful and loving. We've been stressed as a couple - but he has stuck it through. Seriously on days when I'm thinking there is no way out - he is there, with a flashlight, guiding our way.

I started a business with dreams for the future. I've been able to create again and it makes me feel alive. It makes me feel like I have a purpose and excited about creating more. I've grown as a person, more than I honestly wanted too. I've had to learn how to live without my Daddy. I've had to relearn grieving. I've learned how to be a mom of two kiddos here on earth with another one looking down on us from Heaven. I've had to learn, am still learning, how to navigate a new new normal. I've rediscovered my husband. I've left some people behind - some drifted away without much thought, others the void was/is felt. Growth is never easy, but its needed.

As we start 2019 I wanted to just jot down things about 2018. I would love to say good riddance to 2018 - it was SO VERY PAINFUL, but it was also SO VERY BEAUTIFUL. We can't become who we are supposed to be without the pain. I'm looking forward to 2019 to be a year of resurgence, a year of many more blessings, a year where I can be proud of the person I am and proud of the person I'm becoming. A year that I can teach my daughters that it is okay to break out of the box. A year that we can all embrace who we are and who we are supposed to be. A year with no judgment, only being embraced.

I have really decided on a single word for 2019, but a direction in which i think i will head. Maybe I'll find the word along the way, but maybe it will find me.

Thank you 2018 for the tears, thank you for the growth and thank you for making way for a better 2019.

Shiny Spirit

I was told yesterday that my spirit shines bright. I really really hope it does. I've always wanted to be a person who helped others to see the positive in things, to be the shower of the silver linings, to lift others up so their spirits could shine as bright as the sun.


I strive every day to be a positive person. Let me tell you, the past month has been HARD. Like as hard as it was when we lost Logan. Feeling lost as a person, not knowing what direction I should head or how to smile, but you know what... I did it. I had friends and family who helped me, guided me, allowed me to be who I was - even when it wasn't such a great version of myself.


I won't lie and say that having a sunny, positive disposition is easy, it isn't always easy, but its a choice. A choice that you can make every single morning when you wake up, every single time you encounter an obstacle, every step you take - you can either take it grumbling about needing new shoes, or you can be thankful that you have shoes to walk in...


My challenge to you today friends, choose to be happy, choose to find the joy in the everyday, choose to see that silver lining - no one can make that choice for you, It's all up to you.


Love -
Heather

Young Living June Promos

So, I think I told you all in a couple posts back that I've joined Young Living as an independent distributor. There is an amazing amount of wellness that can be obtained from consistently using essential oils.
Every month Young Living has promotional items that you can get FOR FREE... can I get an AMEN?! You can get even more oils for free if you join as a member and hop on board with Essential Rewards as well. Essential Rewards is just like any other subscription box that you sign up for. The minimum amount you purchase each month is $50, you earn points towards more free product, get flat shipping rates and at the $100 mark you start earning those free products!


So, with no further ado, here is the June Promo!

Orange vitality (ER Exclusive) 5ml: Rich in Limonene, orange oil is an immune supporting vitality that everyone loves! We like to put a drop on our toothpaste - hello whiter teeth!

Citronella  15ml: ummmmm bug-b-gone - nuff said - I made my own bug repellant spray this weekend and will be diffusing this the next time we decide to have dinner outside!

Cypress 15ml (ER exclusive): There is so so much I could say about this oil, but to remain compliant - google Cypress oil! This oil helps improve circulation (cankles be gone!) P.S. Lucy Libido says that this is a fireworks oil - again google will help with understanding what that means!

Lavender 15ml: What can't you use this oil for is the real question! Great on skin issues, great for calming, great for sleep, bike wrecks need Lavender - just sayin!

Lemongrass 15ml: I just got Lemongrass last month and LOVE it! its very refreshing! Make your own air freshner with this one, you won't regret it! I have a friend who puts it on their dryer balls and I think I'm going to try it too!

M-Grain 15ml: Read the name.... its gonna tell you what it helps with! I've never used it, but have heard great things about it - a blend of Basil, Lavender, Marjoram, Roman Chamomile and Helichrysum.

Roman Chamomile 5ml: Y'all, this oil has been gone since early in 2017! This oils has been used for centuries by mamas to calm crying and fussy babies (and maybe a drop or two for mama). I've read that it is great at stress relieving and helps promote a restful night of sleep!

If you want to be part of the oils community with me, click on the Young Living page above and it will tell you how to sign up as a member (hello 24% off on all purchases)

If you ever have any questions, I'm here to help. I don't promise to know all about oils, shoot, i don't promise to know a lot about oils, but the beauty of it all - we can learn together!

If you have an oil or two that you would like to try but aren't quite ready to jump on the oily train (seriously why not though?!) contact me and I can put an oil or two on my order for you!

Happy oiling friends and remember, to treat each other right and love on those you love.

Heather



Daddy

My Dad passed away on the 24th of May. Its hard... like really hard.


I've seen a meme that mentions grief being like the ocean, waves of grief come over you and feel overwhelming where you can hardly breathe, you survive the surge and finally catch your breath and feel okay only to have another huge wave of grief wash over you - that's where I'm at.


It feels super surreal sometimes. Like he's still at home and will be sitting at the kitchen table. He'll say "Hey Babe" as I walk in the room and go over to give him a hug. He'll ask me what I know and I'll jokingly say 'not much' and we both chuckle.


We knew that Dad's time with us was limited. He was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer in December of 2016 - the same month I found out that we were pregnant with Savannah. He went through treatments and actually had great response, with tumors shrinking, he had very little sickness. The doctors gave him 6 months to live - He sure showed them! With his great response to treatment I think we all thought that he was going to live much much longer than everyone expected. Then he had a heart attack - a total shocker to all of us. This was the begin of his decline.


I worked in a cancer center for many many years as a financial advisor, going over insurance benefits with patients as they faced this scary disease. Everyone always spoke about quality of life versus quantity of life and I thought I understood what that looked like. When patients would stop treatment and start living the life they had left. It was bittersweet, they knew their end was near and they wanted to enjoy it. After the heart attack dad's quality of life declined A TON. It was so hard seeing a man so capable, so independent become a man who had to rely on others to help him do every day normal things.


His birthday was the 20th, 4 days before he passed. I yelled at him and told him that he had to make a choice to either want to live or giving up. He told me he wanted to live and that he would try - God had other plans.


He passed with a room full of family, my sister and I were holding his hands and mom was hugging him. A beautiful passing for a beautiful man.


Fly high Daddy!
I expect you to be building a tear drop camper,  building an epic go kart and teaching Logan all the things in that great big bard in Heaven.


It certainly isn't good bye, it's only a see you later.

 

My family - post from 2015

This was a post that I started and didn't post... #WHY?! So here it is, enjoy my #throwbackthursday all the way from summer of 2015. and I know that I am still one very blessed person!


I am one blessed chick. I mean seriously BLESSED!



This past weekend I got to spend it with my siblings and my parents (and Lexi too!).

We laughed about so many things, we broke out in random songs, we reconnected on a level that we haven't been able to do in such a long time and it was sooo good for this heart of mine!

I know that my family seems to be a rare bunch, yes we are crazy, but we actually truly LIKE each other. We want to spend time with each other. There isn't a week that goes by that I don't talk to my mom, text one of my siblings or tag one of them on a Facebook post. Sure we get annoyed with each other, but at the end of the day, we know that family is important. We would rather gather around a kitchen table until 2 o'clock on the morning playing progressive rummy, eating thirty minute chocolate cake and trying to convince mom to get on a plane than most anything else.

I encourage anyone who reads this to just pick up the phone, call someone you love and tell them that you do. Make an effort to visit longer than necessary. Reconnect and share your world with them - even if you are 5 states away. Family is important and fun and is honestly one of God's greatest gifts he could have given us.

P.S. We got a selfie stick and decided that it was THE best way to take most pictures!!! I don't care if we are all over the age of 30 - it was still fun!

Enjoy the pics, and I'm serious make that phone call, you won't regret it!

Life recently - December 2017 version

WOW WOW WOW – has life changed around these parts?!

In September I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, Savannah, our rainbow baby. My heart is so full of love and appreciation and gratitude and RELIEF… honestly, it was a hard pregnancy. I was sick for a good portion of it, but that really wasn’t the hard part. The fear of something happening at every step of the way was the super hard part.

I had weekly sonograms which helped our journey be not so scary, but I’ll be honest, the 6 days in between sonos felt like forever! No one talks about how scary a pregnancy after loss can be, but MAN, remind me to do a blog post about all that in the future!

Lexi is a super proud big sister and is super helpful, if not annoyingly so… I know, I know, I should be super thankful and I am, but sometimes I want to say – PUT THE BABY DOWN!

I’ve started a side business with Young Living Essential Oils. They are changing my world! So many toxins in so many products we use on the daily. Slowly but surely I’m switching those out and would LOVE to help anyone wanting to do the same! A simple switch and ditch, dryer balls for dryer sheets!! Put a couple drops of Purification oil on a couple balls and you are set! Without all those yucky chemicals in the dryer sheets. Google it, I promise it will make you think twice before throwing a sheet or two in next time you do laundry.

We’ve had some health scares with other members of my family, but for right now we are all trucking along, doing the best we can with what we’ve been given.

Logan’s Angelversary was yesterday. We sang Happy Birthday to him over a Reece’s Peanut Butter cup (daddy’s choice), we split it and each had a piece. We love and miss him every single day. I honestly feel like I’ve done such an injustice to his legacy the past couple of years. Hopefully this coming year I’ll get back on track and work on getting rid of the taboo surrounding pregnancy and infant loss.

Just wanted to hop back on and say HEY.

I promise I’ll be around here more often. I have many things that have been bottled up – time to start sharing again!

Heather

Worth it

I made this, this past weekend.. its kind of wonky but it feels right. We are all a little off, a little broken and misshapen, the world makes us this way. Giving us heartaches and leaving us with unanswered questions. It's hard to have faith sometimes, especially when you are angry and confused.

He never said it would be easy but it would be worth it...