I know that I haven’t posted since the ‘One year ago today” posts.. Those were really hard to write. Hard to go back and read, but they were truth, they were raw emotion, they were what my mind goes through on a daily basis.
I will say that life has gotten easier with time. Losing Logan is something that changed me forever. I will always think of Logan. No matter where I’m at, no matter what I’m doing, he’s always there, waiting to be mentioned. I know that it can make some people uncomfortable talking about my son that is dead, but it is so true that I think about him as much as I think about Lexi. All the time, every day. It’s not gut wrenching sadness and pain anymore.. don’t get me wrong there are totally those days that I need a good cry because I miss what should have been, I miss the fact that I should have an almost one year old. That on the 21st of this month that we should be celebrating Logan’s first year of life. But sadly that day will pass with birthday party, with no candles being blown out, with no one year old with blue frosting smeared all over his face. Maybe that happens in Heaven. Maybe on December 2nd Logan had a blow out party for being in Heaven for a year.. I’ll find out one day.
My Grandpa died last month, in January. He fell and broke his hip the weekend of Thanksgiving and went to a skilled nursing unit and developed a really bad infection and died. In my opinion he shouldn’t have died. It’s such a shame that the hospital took such poor care of him that he couldn’t live out the next 5 or so years he had left. He will be missed, he IS missed. He had a good life, a long life, saw so many things that I will never ever know about. He and my Grandma had been married for 65 years! That’s a lot of love to be together for that long. I only hope that Johnny and I can be together for that long… and not hurt each other!
Johnny, Lexi and I are buying a house! Hopefully we will be closing the end of this month.. and at that time I’ll post pictures… its so exciting, but so scary at the same time.. I mean are we really grown up enough to own a home?!?!?
I promise I'll try to post more frequently!