Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas from the Clear's

ps, I have no idea how the tree lights do the little twinkle thing, but it is DANG cool!!

Honesty in dreams

I get this question a lot. How many kids do you have? I answer, depending on how much or how little this person is going to be in my life... for those just passing through, the answer is one, for those that are going to kick off their shoes and stay a while, I'll say we have Lexi and our Angel Logan, which usually prompts the conversation detailing how and when Logan died. Inevitably the question is asked, well, are you going to have another? My blanket answer is, In time... Even family and friends who have asked when we are going to try again, the answer is, we've talked about it, in time... I've honestly felt like I was ready to start trying for another child. Going down that scary road of hope, knowing that not all times that road ends in the happy arrival of a beautiful baby. I will be honest in saying that the thought of another child has sometimes consumed me, grasping and desperatly wanting something to make things 'right.' I know that another child will not replace the fact that we lost Logan... nor would I want another child to replace that. I've heard and read so many times that having a child after losing one often helps to heal your heart in places you didn't even know was broken - BOOM, that's what I want! I'm feeling okay, really I am, but I just feel like something is missing. The mister and I have had several conversations about having another child, he just isn't ready yet, and I have been okay with that... but also anxious to get this show on the road. It wasn't until a couple weeks ago that we sat down and actually had a conversation about losing Logan and having another child. He admitted that he really isn't ready and at that moment, it hit me.. all this time I thought I was ready for anothr child, I was rushing him in his process of grief... wow, look at how supportive I am :( UGH.. Grief is really something a person has to struggle through on their own timeline, when they are ready, no time lines and no perfect way to do it. - So, I've backed off, not brought up anything about having another child since this time, holding my toungue a bit, but not too bad... this obviously gave my brain a break to think about the reality of it all.... Last night, we went to sleep a little early, Lexi had fallen asleep on the couch and this was our opportunity to fall asleep, without a kiddos foot on our heads or a right hook into the jaw :) I fell asleep fairly fast, which is a rarety and was instantly in the most realistic dream: We were at my parents house, just visiting... Lexi is running around with the cat and having a good time... My mom brings my dad a glass of tea and Lexi notices this, she climbs up on dad's lap and says, 'Papa, I'm firsty' it's their code for share your tea with me... so she takes a drink and jumps off his lap to continue to play with the cat. Dad looks over at me and says, 'You know what I think we need' and I finish his sentence with 'another grandbaby?'... 'Exactly!' at this point in my dream I can actually feel myself tense up and I reach for Johnny's hand and say.. 'You know what Dad, I don't know that is going to happen for a while, because we are so damn terrified!' Dad, being caught off guard looks at me quizzically as I start crying. 'We are scared to go down a road that we don't know where it leads. We have Lexi, can't we just be satisfied that we have her? Why are you asking us to take the chance at additional heartache?' again, Dad, just sits there and Mom comes and sits at the table too, she takes his hands and they both just stare at me, at us... disbelief and what I can only assume horror on their faces. I continue to say that I wish we could have another child and not have the fear of what we know can happen, but that isn't the case... Dad, then takes both Johnny and my hand and simply says, 'There isn't a road in life worth taking that doesn't have some sharp turns, bumpy patches and even some detours to unexpected places... sometimes these roads take you down a fearful path to show you what you are capable of.' With tears in my eyes I woke up, snuggled closer to my sleeping husband and knew that whatever road we go down, we are very capable. I didn't realize that I still had such strong fearful feeling about having another child, but I do know that, I've got the best support system around to go down these roads.

Year Three

It is so hard to believe that it has been three years since we lost Logan. These three years have flown by with painful speed, but also healing waves. I’m not going to lie and say that its been easier than I imagined, some days, sure it has, but others I feel like I’ve been hit by a Mac truck. I can say though that at year three the mac truck days are less than they were at year two. I feel like I’ve settled in on my new reality. That having a stillborn son is part of who I am, its intertwined in the fabric of my being. I don’t feel like I’m bitter or hateful because of it, I feel like I’ve been enriched with experience and love. I don’t know how or when I got to this point, but I can say without a doubt that I have been blessed with amazing people in my life who have helped me get here. I have family and friends who don’t bat an eye when I mention Logan’s name, they know he is a part of my story; he is a part of my day to day life. These are the same people who send me emails, texts and FB messages saying that they are thinking of me and my family today as we remember Logan, amazingly and incredibly blessed am I.

As I was getting ready for work this morning I began to think about those parents whose children have died when they are still babies, maybe even toddlers, but those children have lived. I have often wondered what it would have been like if we had lost Logan after he was here for a while… is that pain more intense? Does it make it easier having those memories? I have always had that question… is it better to have no living recollection of our babies or does having those memories lessen that pain? Is it better to not have a memory of the first time they rolled over or is it easier to have that vivid memory and the happiness you felt? I know that neither one of these situations is easy and I only have experience with one, but if you ever wanted to know the randomness of a mothers grief, this is a prime example.

I submitted my story to be included in the book Return to Zero, unfortunately it did not get chosen to be published in the book. BUT, they have teamed up with http://reconceivingloss.com to have the stories that were not chosen for the book to still be published. As a way to remember Logan today, I submitted a shortened version of our story. I took days one, two and three and cut them down to 1500 words. Hopefully our story can help someone else realize they are not alone in this journey, even when they feel they are.

Here is my submission.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010 was a day that changed my life forever. It was the day I started my journey of living with a child in Heaven, a piece of my heart permanently missing. Logan hadn’t been moving much and so I called my doctor’s office. I was told he had probably turned around, so I couldn’t feel him kick. I was told to lie down and focus on movement. I was at work, I concentrated as hard as I could and tried to make him move... nothing.
As soon as we get to the doctors office we are taken to a room for a non-stress test. For 15 heartbreaking minutes the nurse would find a heartbeat then dismiss it as mine. Finally, a midwife came in and after 5 minutes with nothing, its decided we need a sonogram. Johnny and I already knew. We walked into the sono room only to find the tech who told us Logan was a boy. She squeezed the jelly on my stomach, moved the wand into position and there he was, motionless. I saw out of the corner of my eye the tech look at the midwife and shake her head. The midwife came over, touched my leg and said, ‘I’m sorry there is no heartbeat, He’s gone.’

Gone? Why? Where do I go from here?

Heartbroken, we are sent back to a room. Our doctor came in to explain our options; induce labor now, tomorrow or wait for nature to take its course. We chose to induce labor the next day.

That night was a blur, I remember sitting on the living room floor talking and crying with my parents. My dad said that if he could have taken Logan’s place, he would. I fell asleep crying, asking God to please have Logan be alive…

December 1st, we arrived at the hospital for our 7A.M. check in time. 14 months before we were here in labor with our daughter; same hospital, same floor, same nurses, but this time was different, very different. Amy, The first nurse I talked to instantly knew who I was and walked us to our room. Tears streamed down my face as I stood in the delivery room; feeling lost and scared. Amy cried alongside with me; she was the nurse that would deliver Logan. Amy hooked up the monitors and left for the day. Shortly after my parents and our dear friend Jen arrived, having dropped everything to be at our side. Around 8:30 Dr Langaker came in and explained what was to happen. I was paralyzed with fear, and in a room full of loved ones I felt so alone.

Dr Langaker tried to explain everything in the gentlest of terms but also very honestly. I asked her how long I would be waiting for Logan to be delivered; she said that it would depend on how my body reacted to being induced. At 24 hours we could reevaluate ‘other options’. Thankfully we didn’t have to go down that road.

7 P.M. Nurses Amy and Heather came back at shift change. They were so great, they loved on me like they had known me for years and allowed me to grieve however I needed to.

By 8 P.M. I was not progressing, I was thankful as this meant that Logan was with me a little longer. They decided to increase the medication to start labor, and at 8:30 P.M. the contractions started. I was offered an epidural and several times I refused. My heart felt conflicted, “Why should I have relief if it hurt Logan when he died?” I still hope that Logan died peacefully and I didn’t cause him to die. I eventually took the epidural and cried myself to sleep. I know what is coming, my baby is going to be born, but he will not cry, he will not move, he has died.

At 1A.M. I woke abruptly as I knew something was happening. I called out to Johnny asleep in the chair saying I need a nurse. We found the call button. Amy came in, checked, and said that I was fully dilated and ready to push. It was time to call the doctor. I asked Johnny to go get mom from the waiting room.

Mom and Johnny came in just as they wheeled in the bassinet; another scene that is burned into my mind. I remember being joyful when I saw Lexi in her bassinet, but this bassinet brought tears and the reminder that Logan had already died.

With Johnny and Mom by my side, Amy delivered Logan. The doctor didn’t get there in time. He blessed this earth on December 2nd at 1:10 AM. He weighed 2 lbs. 6.8 ounces and was 15 inches long. Logan Joseph Clear was born without a breath, without a cry, but he was here.

One thing that I didn’t think about was what would happen after Logan was delivered. How it would feel to hold him and love on him knowing that he wasn’t alive. The nurses were great. They cleaned him up and gave him to me as soon as he was born. I will never forget that moment, I was afraid to hold him, fearing I would break his already fragile body. Mom also held Logan; Johnny and Dad chose not to, and that is a decision one has to make for themselves.

Mom and I took turns holding and loving him. We talked to him and told him how much we loved him. They took Logan from the room and took measurements and made plaster imprints of his hands and feet. When they brought him back he was dressed in a blue gown that had footballs sewn as buttons, a blue and white knit cap and a matching blanket. He was dressed as if he was a living child, that meant to world to me. They also brought a camera for us to take pictures. I don’t remember how long he was with us in the room, but they allowed us as much time as we needed. When they finally took Logan I told him that I would see him later, fully intending to see him before we left. I never did, it was just too hard. A decision I regret.

They transferred me to a different floor to shield me from the other live births. Once settled Johnny and I fell asleep, curled up in each other’s arms, trying to find some comfort.

At shift change, Amy and Heather brought us several scrapbook pages with Logan’s name and foot and hand prints, they brought the foot imprints, and even printed off and burned a c.d. of all the pictures we had taken. We exchanged hugs and I tried to express my thanks to them. I couldn’t have asked for a more caring, compassionate pair of nurses.

Next, we had to make arrangements for Logan. What to do with his body? Where to have his body sent? We decided on cremation, so if we ever moved we could take him with us. As I came back into the room I saw Johnny on the phone with the funeral home making arrangements for our son. I listened as he explained that our son had died, he was stillborn, and we needed to make arrangements for cremation. It was something that Johnny felt he needed to do, he wanted to handle this part of our journey, being a husband and dad. In that moment my admiration and respect for Johnny was unparalleled, and through our journey he continues to amaze me.

That afternoon, the doctor came and brought discharge papers. I was ready to get out of the hospital, ready to see my daughter, but this meant that I would be leaving the hospital without Logan. I was leaving him there, in the basement morgue waiting to be picked up by the funeral home. If I left it meant that I could never see him again. Everyday happy couples leave the hospital with their newborn babies, but not us, not today; we were leaving with empty arms and heavy hearts.

Since then we’ve been on a roller coaster of emotions. It’s been hard trying to be the support system for each other when we’re using all our own energy just to get through each day. We’ve been impatient with Lexi, maybe a little too often. We’ve let friendships slip away that we shouldn’t have. We have had to find a new normal. Trying to rebuild our marriage and family out of the ashes of what was to be. It’s been difficult, at times unbearable, but we’ve learned that Logan allowed us to see the world in a different light. We need to cherish the things that we hold most dear. We need to live life a little more. We realize bad things happen, but if we hold on tight and ride the storm we may just see the rainbow.

I also just want to say thank you to everyone who has held our hands, given us hugs and thought of us during our journey. It helps knowing we are supported, it helps knowing that we aren’t being looked at as fragile. We love you all so much and can’t even express our gratitude… words simply aren’t enough.

What I know

I know that life can be tough.
I know that life can be hard.
I know that life can hand you some real doozies that make you feel like you can never recover.

I also know that life can be full of joy.
I know that life can be rewarding.
I know that life is precious.
I know, for a fact, that no matter what life hands you, you CAN recover.

I know that sometimes, people forget the hardships others have been through.
I know that sometimes, people don't remember that at this very moment others are struggling to make it through the day and therefore don't treat each other kindly.
I know that sometimes, people act harshly and say harsh words only because they don't know how else to act.

I also know that everyone is struggling with something that no one else knows about.
I know that I have forgotten the struggles of others and thought they were being selfish or 'not themselves'
I know that sometimes, ignoring and avoiding can hurt worse than harsh words.

I had someone yesterday tell me that she remembered Logan. She thought about it often but didn't know an appropriate time to say anything or if it would be appropriate at all. Her telling me that she remembered him made my heart soar! Simple, thoughtful words can sometimes be all you need to get through the day.

Remember to tell those around you that you love them, that you remember their hardships and that you are there for them, unconditionally.

I know that I'm not alone, and for that I'm thankful. 

Todays lesson

Sometimes everything is fine.
Sometimes you feel that your grip is loosening from everything you've tried so hard to keep together.
Sometimes a blog post, a Facebook status, a Pinterest pin can make you remember things you would rather not. Sometimes that same post can make you cherish the things in your world... imperfecrly perfect. Scraped, bruised and scarred feeling blessed to be traveling this journey.  Feeling at times that you are the only one that's ever been on that journey, traveling where no one else has traveled and then seeing a partial footprint on the road in front of you,  dust on the horizon or maybe even a shadow in front of, next to or even behind you. A glimpse and reminder that you are NEVER alone.
I know that my life is not what I planned and I'm thankful that it isn't.  I'm thankful that the road that I'm traveling my be mine and mine alone, but I know that it intersects with others roads. I know that it travels parallel to others and when I'm in a valley those traveling on mountains can reach down and give me a helping hand up.
Lesson for today.... know that you are not traveling the bumpy road alone. You are given traveling companions... these companions come in many different shapes and sizes; just know that they are there for a reason.  They may need you as much as you need them.

Return to Zero - Local Leader

So... in my quest to do all that I can to raise awareness of pregnancy loss I've become a local leader for the movie Return to Zero. Now, it's not something that I was awarded to do, so I certainly do not deserve any credit... anyone can do it, EVEN YOU!

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1jQsys3eU7ZndUgbdMvcDiqrgQPmREFRmb_1kvl0YhWw/viewform?pli=1
This is the form that you can use to become a local leader.

Basically as a local leader you pledge to raise awareness of the movie and get others to pledge to see the film on its opening weekend. An opening weekend hasn't been determined yet, and really is hinged upon the proof of an audience. The ultimate goal is to get 150,000 people pledged to see this movie on opening weekend. With this number of pledges the producers of the movie can prove to the powers that be that this film has an audience, that this story is one that needs to be told.

Wait, you've not heard about the movie Return to Zero? Watch this... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Gq7OL-0fs4&feature=youtu.be  Now you know exactly why this is so precious to my heart.

I'm so excited that a movie of this kind has been produced. I'm hoping and praying that this movie is released in theatres. Hopefully by allowing the entire world to see inside of a different world, a world that involves heartache and loss... a world that unfortunately 1 in 4 women live, EVERY DAY!

If you don't want to become a local leader in your area, that is totally fine. Use this form https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1HqU43R7iij8WJt1bavZkmjhmPdci56qakUUKt2VfvWg/viewform
and indicate that I am your local leader.

I don't have all the information yet, but on the Return to Zero site they do have a pretty great Q&A http://returntozerothemovie.com/blog/?p=761

I know that I've said this before and it may sound odd to hear... but I feel so very blessed to be a part of this community. Would I change the fact that I know what this baby loss community is all about? Absolutely... but the fact is, I can't. I can choose to look at the fact that our baby boy is watching down on us and I feel that he would be proud of what we are doing, with the resources we have; connecting with others in this community and trying so hard to break the silence. Trying so hard to make sure that others don't ever have to grieve alone, in silence.

Its a small thing to pledge... but it means the world to this community that has to tiptoe around their pain because its easier for others. It means being able to say openly and honestly that I lost a child, I was seven months pregnant when we discovered that his heart was not beating. I delivered him, the exact same way I did our living daughter... only we didn't hear a sound from him... he didn't open his eyes, he didn't grab our fingers, he was born still. He silently entered this world and until the day I die he will be the reason I am not silent.

With love, and hope and appreciation,

Heather

Women of Joy!

Last weekend I went to the Women of Joy conference with my mom, cousin and some of the women from my cousin's church. To say that the conference was amazing would be an absolute understatement.
I've never really felt comfortable in conversations about Jesus, the Bible or how or what I believe. My statements have always been that I believe in God. I believe in Heaven. I believe that we were created by God to do God's work. But specifics were never something that I got into. I'm not going to say that I am 'comfortable' but I am certainly closer than I have ever been in my entire life.

Let me first go into this saying that I wasn't really sure that I wanted to go to this conference. Not that I didn't want to be around my mom or any of these women, I just thought that I had other better things on my priority list. I could spend the weekend with my hubby, who has been at my parents house again. I could certainly save the money that I would use to buy meals and such to pay bills or spend on other unnecessary items.. but, this was something my mom really wanted to share with me, and we really don't get to spend much one on one time with each other; So I left for mom and dad's house on Thursday night thinking that if nothing else I'll be able to have a little time with my mommy!  Jill Kelly was the first speaker that night. I had never heard of Jill Kelly and probably wouldn't have heard about her if I hadn't gone. Her son, Hunter died of a genetic disorder at 8 and a half. So there, instantly when she started talking about her son dying I was in tears! She said something that really registered with me that I had NEVER thought of before... her son's first words were to God. Her son's first hug, was hugging God. Who better than to raise our children, watch them grow and play than God. AH.MA.ZING...... (right then, I KNEW I was meant to be at this conference)

The rest of the weekend was really wonderful. Liz Curtis Higgs spoke on Saturday (and did part of this rap). Saturday night was a concert from Jeremy Camp. On Sunday Angela Thomas spoke. They were all REALLY good speakers!
I met some really fantastic women. Made some friends. Learned about myself. Learned about God.
I feel blessed and humbled that God thought so much about me to speak to my mom (and to me) to make sure that I attended. He knew who would be speaking when mom registered us LAST YEAR!
I'm making it a goal to start reading the Bible. I'm going to look into some devotional lesson plans.. that will direct me, because right now, if I were to pick up the Bible, I wouldn't really know where to start.

If anyone has any idea of where to get a good guide, please let me know.

Have a great Thursday! (It's snowing here in Kansas... yep, It's May 2nd and SNOWING!)

the past couple of weeks in photos

Sorry I've been MIA recently. Its been pretty busy around these parts. The Mr has been away building things at my parents house, my parents house is AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL, my brother came up to visit, which meant a trip to Lambert's and 30 minute chocolate cake, Lots of cousin playing time, old play dishes, lots of laughs, smiles, hugs and memories, we've had lots of rain (and rainbows), Lexi had her first sleep over.  

  

   

 

Reminders that I am completely blessed in this life.

saying goodbye

I know we've all heard the statement that saying goodbye is never easy. It's true. Saying goodbye is one of the hardest things we as humans do. it doesn't have to be about how long we are saying goodbye for, it could be for a day, a week, a month or forever. it doesn't have to be about who we are saying goodbye to, a friend, a sibling, a spouse, a parent, a child. it's the fact that we know that it could be the last time. Those words Good Bye. They are so.... final.

My aunt is in the hospital and not expected to make it. I'll be honest in the fact that I have never been super close to this side of the family, but in my book, family is family, no matter how many times we talk in a year, you are still loved. it still hurts to know that today, in the hospital there is family gathering to say their final goodbyes. Heartbreaking. To know that their end on this earth is coming and we can't do anything about it.

I've read that to pine for Heaven is a good thing. To say that you can't wait to get to Heaven shows how much you love, understand and trust God. I honestly have such a hard time with this. Sure, I know that Heaven will be free from pain and injustice, but selfishly I want those that I love to be here, with me. So I can know that they are okay, or if they aren't okay, I can try to help them be okay. It's a battle I guess; of what I'm not so sure, but it's a battle. Maybe my own mortality? Maybe the fear that everyone I love will eventually leave me and I'll be alone?

So, to my family... I love you. I'm sorry that your heart is hurting. I'm sorry that your goodbye is going to be full of tears and fear and pain. I'm sorry that I can't ease that pain. I do know, however, that she will be going to a better place. She will no longer be in pain. She will be greeted on the other side by those that left before her. She will be waiting on the other side when you make that journey when it is your time.

I'd like to send out a challenge in the universe, to this world wide web of ours... When saying goodbye; don't forget to say I love you, don't forget to squeeze a little tighter when you are giving goodbye hugs and always always always watch them as they leave, wave until you can't see them anymore and say a little prayer that they journey is a safe one.

I hope your weekend is filled with love.

Lexi's cooking corner!

I'm still trying to be a better parent. Isn't that what all parents say? I'm trying to be a better parent. I'm trying to be more intentional with my child. The words are easy to say, the doing it is the hard part. Realizing that the floor can be swept later, the dishes can be done later. That load of laundry will be there tomorrow (and if I'm being completly honest, if its in the dryer, I'd probably turn it on again anyway because I don't know that I own an iron, but I don't like wrinkly clothes).

Last night Lexi and I made pizzas for dinner. I went and bought the premade crusts, the pizza sauce and the toppings after work and so when we got home we went into the pizza making business!

She had so much fun doing making it herself.  She put on the sauce, cheese, carrots (because we had to get some extra veggies in), pepperoni and hotdogs (on hers, not mine) all by herself. It was hard, but I restrained from telling her it was 'too much, too much, too much' or 'oh, you missed a spot' or 'why don't you put it on like this'. I didn't realize how much of a control freak I was until this little bundle came into our world!

See, I told you, carrots on the pizza. You totally could not taste them, I simply took some baby carrots and used our fine shredder so it was just part of it. I got NO complaints, or weird looks when I suggested carrots. She even grated a carrot, the entire time I kept repeating, "Go Slow, be careful". Those things are sharp!!! 

 She just makes my heart so incredibly happy. I'm so thankful that God chose me to be her mommy!

Hope you all have a fantastic day full of love!

Try to do something fun with your kiddos, something that they can remember for years to come.

Don't let me forget

I never want to forget some of the amazing things that are happening in the world of our little girl.

Lexi is 3 and almost 1/2 years old. She has this ability to make you laugh and make you angry all in about 5 seconds!

She argues about most things, unless it's her idea (true girl!).
This morning as I was getting ready for work she stumbles into the bathroom, climbs on top of the toilet base and tells me that these (her eye lashes) are her eye brows. So, I so "Nope, bug, those are your" and she interrupts me with a growl and says "NO MOM, these are my eye brows" so I finally get to tell her that those are her eye lashes and the ones above those are her eye brows.. again, a growl with an argument, but as I finish blow drying my hair she says with total conviction that 'these( her eyebrows) are her eyebrows, duh, I told you mom!' Really?!?! She's only three!!

Some of her favorite things to say are:
Lasterday (for anything that happened in the past) "Lasterday was my Birthday."
Saturday is by far her favorite day of the week to talk about, EVERYTHING is on Saturday. "Jillian's birthday is on Saturday" "Balentine's (Valentine's) is on Saturday, Mommy?"
I just fine.- This is one that she says quite a bit when she's being told to not do something or stop doing something. She also uses this for when we are getting on the dog, "Mom, Daisy's just fine"

She is really into cuddling right now. I don't mind that one, but it's hard to sit on a couch all day long and watch Disney movies when you've got dishes and laundry to do, sweeping, mopping all of the household chores. I'm trying to make a better effort of sitting down and cuddling with her. I try to remember that she is only this age once, I better embrace it!   

Also, another thing we've talked about a little is her baby brother Logan. She kept talking about her sisters. I have always corrected her and told her that she doesn't have sisters, but she has a baby brother Logan. She had never really questioned it until this last month. So, I explained that Logan was in mommys tummy and he died and went to heaven. Instantly, her eyes got huge and was like "aaaahhhhggg Mommy I told you don't eat my baby brother Logan." Wow, what did I get myself into. So I tried to explain that babys grow in mommys tummys before they crawl and walk and talk and that I didn't eat her baby brother Logan. I'm not sure that it really got through but she kind of dropped the subject. The next day I'm getting ready for work and she says, "Mommy, I no have sisters I have a brother Logan?" So I say yes and I ask her where he is, 'your tummy!!" oh geeze, the rumors that could get started!! So, I again sit down and explain to her that Logan isn't in my tummy anymore that he was born and he went to Heaven. She walked away and again I thought the subject was dropped. She then walks into my room with her rain boots on and asks if her lady bug boots are okay for Heaven. What do you say to that????!?!?!? I simply told her she could wear whatever she wanted to Heaven but to please wait for a long long time... I know that we will have MANY more conversations about Logan and him being in Heaven.. I just hope I'm better prepared for that!!

a concert and some kiddo fun

I went to a concert this weekend. The Locked and Reloaded tour with Dierks Bentley and Miranda Lambert. Probably one of the better concerts I've ever been to! I went with one of my best friends in the whole entire world. It was so much fun!

Here are some pics from the night.

 Then on Sunday, Lexi and I had a play date with another dear friend. The kiddos had an amazing time! This little play area at the mall.

 

I would say this weekend was a success! This Sunday is St. Patrick's Day. Are you doing anything fun?

Wanna be my bestie? You should know some things

I saw this post on Little Miss Momma about things you should know if we are going to be BFFs.

I had insomnia my senior year of highschool and I think it was because of all the oranges I ate.
I hate laundry, but love the smell of fabric softner.
I don't own an iron.
I've always wanted to ride a bull.
I said my first curse word in third grade and thought I was a big deal.
I am the baby.
I was the oops in my family, my oldest sister is 12 years older than me, then my next sister is 10 years older and my brother is 6 years older.
I'm often told that I have an old soul, hippie soul maybe.
I find the positive in most any situation.
I like to be crafty and feel like a failure if something doesn't turn out the way I have it pictured in my head.
I wanted to be a lawyer when I grew up.
I am a pretty dang good shot... but I don't own a gun (unless you consider a bb gun)
For my 5th birthday I got a bb gun, it's a tradition.
I didn't get my ears pierced until I was 13. They closed and then I got them repierced when I was 22, since then I've gotten an additional hole.
I have two tattos.
I believe a hug and a 'sorry' can fix most fights.
I don't like fish, but love shrimp.
I talk to at least one member of my family every day. (mom, dad, sisters or brother)
I feel like I lived in Leave it to Beaver land for a majority of my childhood.
I was a tomboy growing up, playing in the woods and building forts.
I knew every single name of the people I graduated with, and I'm friends with most of them on Facebook.
I have a love affair with Dr. Pepper and fried pickles.

I'll do another post like this sometime soon... kind of fun. Link up in the comments and we will keep this going. What should I know about you?

Stuffed Peppers

So I will be the first to admit that I am NOT a wonderful cook. My mom is a fantastic cook. She always had hot yummy dinners to feed us every night. I totally slack in that department. If I don't have things planned out, we typically go grab something to eat that is TOTALLY not healthy (hello McDonald's and Wendy's)

So with the addition of Pinterest to our lives I've ventured out and made some super yummy things. When I say yummy, I mean for me they are yummy.. and even Lexi enjoyed them. The Mister on the other hand would probably pass these up by just the pictures, but since he hasn't really been home to try these, we will just file these under the Yummy category!

Stuffed Peppers!

One pound of ground Turkey

Chili Powder 2 tsp

Garlic Powder 1 Tablespoon

Onion powder 1 Tablespoon

a can of Rotel

a can of Black Beans

2 cups of brown rice

cheese

Brown the ground turkey, drain. Once the turkey has been browned add the seasonings, Rotel and the Black Beans. Meanwhile cook the brown rice per the directions on the box. Once rice is done, combine the turkey mixutre and the rice and continue to simmer on low while preparing your pepper.

I cut red and yellow bell peppers (2 of each) lengthwise and cleaned them out. I placed them in a casserole. Fill each half with as much filling as you can, smooshing it a bit.

cover generously with cheese, We used the Kraft Mexican blend.

Pop in a 350 degree oven for 20 minutes or until the cheese is all bubbly.

ENJOY!