Friday, March 22, 2013

saying goodbye

I know we've all heard the statement that saying goodbye is never easy. It's true. Saying goodbye is one of the hardest things we as humans do. it doesn't have to be about how long we are saying goodbye for, it could be for a day, a week, a month or forever. it doesn't have to be about who we are saying goodbye to, a friend, a sibling, a spouse, a parent, a child. it's the fact that we know that it could be the last time. Those words Good Bye. They are so.... final.

My aunt is in the hospital and not expected to make it. I'll be honest in the fact that I have never been super close to this side of the family, but in my book, family is family, no matter how many times we talk in a year, you are still loved. it still hurts to know that today, in the hospital there is family gathering to say their final goodbyes. Heartbreaking. To know that their end on this earth is coming and we can't do anything about it.

I've read that to pine for Heaven is a good thing. To say that you can't wait to get to Heaven shows how much you love, understand and trust God. I honestly have such a hard time with this. Sure, I know that Heaven will be free from pain and injustice, but selfishly I want those that I love to be here, with me. So I can know that they are okay, or if they aren't okay, I can try to help them be okay. It's a battle I guess; of what I'm not so sure, but it's a battle. Maybe my own mortality? Maybe the fear that everyone I love will eventually leave me and I'll be alone?

So, to my family... I love you. I'm sorry that your heart is hurting. I'm sorry that your goodbye is going to be full of tears and fear and pain. I'm sorry that I can't ease that pain. I do know, however, that she will be going to a better place. She will no longer be in pain. She will be greeted on the other side by those that left before her. She will be waiting on the other side when you make that journey when it is your time.

I'd like to send out a challenge in the universe, to this world wide web of ours... When saying goodbye; don't forget to say I love you, don't forget to squeeze a little tighter when you are giving goodbye hugs and always always always watch them as they leave, wave until you can't see them anymore and say a little prayer that they journey is a safe one.

I hope your weekend is filled with love.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Lexi's cooking corner!

I'm still trying to be a better parent. Isn't that what all parents say? I'm trying to be a better parent. I'm trying to be more intentional with my child. The words are easy to say, the doing it is the hard part. Realizing that the floor can be swept later, the dishes can be done later. That load of laundry will be there tomorrow (and if I'm being completly honest, if its in the dryer, I'd probably turn it on again anyway because I don't know that I own an iron, but I don't like wrinkly clothes).

Last night Lexi and I made pizzas for dinner. I went and bought the premade crusts, the pizza sauce and the toppings after work and so when we got home we went into the pizza making business!

She had so much fun doing making it herself.  She put on the sauce, cheese, carrots (because we had to get some extra veggies in), pepperoni and hotdogs (on hers, not mine) all by herself. It was hard, but I restrained from telling her it was 'too much, too much, too much' or 'oh, you missed a spot' or 'why don't you put it on like this'. I didn't realize how much of a control freak I was until this little bundle came into our world!

See, I told you, carrots on the pizza. You totally could not taste them, I simply took some baby carrots and used our fine shredder so it was just part of it. I got NO complaints, or weird looks when I suggested carrots. She even grated a carrot, the entire time I kept repeating, "Go Slow, be careful". Those things are sharp!!! 

 She just makes my heart so incredibly happy. I'm so thankful that God chose me to be her mommy!

Hope you all have a fantastic day full of love!
Try to do something fun with your kiddos, something that they can remember for years to come.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Don't let me forget

I never want to forget some of the amazing things that are happening in the world of our little girl.
Lexi is 3 and almost 1/2 years old. She has this ability to make you laugh and make you angry all in about 5 seconds!

She argues about most things, unless it's her idea (true girl!).
This morning as I was getting ready for work she stumbles into the bathroom, climbs on top of the toilet base and tells me that these (her eye lashes) are her eye brows. So, I so "Nope, bug, those are your" and she interrupts me with a growl and says "NO MOM, these are my eye brows" so I finally get to tell her that those are her eye lashes and the ones above those are her eye brows.. again, a growl with an argument, but as I finish blow drying my hair she says with total conviction that 'these( her eyebrows) are her eyebrows, duh, I told you mom!' Really?!?! She's only three!!

Some of her favorite things to say are:
Lasterday (for anything that happened in the past) "Lasterday was my Birthday."
Saturday is by far her favorite day of the week to talk about, EVERYTHING is on Saturday. "Jillian's birthday is on Saturday" "Balentine's (Valentine's) is on Saturday, Mommy?"
I just fine.- This is one that she says quite a bit when she's being told to not do something or stop doing something. She also uses this for when we are getting on the dog, "Mom, Daisy's just fine"

She is really into cuddling right now. I don't mind that one, but it's hard to sit on a couch all day long and watch Disney movies when you've got dishes and laundry to do, sweeping, mopping all of the household chores. I'm trying to make a better effort of sitting down and cuddling with her. I try to remember that she is only this age once, I better embrace it!   

Also, another thing we've talked about a little is her baby brother Logan. She kept talking about her sisters. I have always corrected her and told her that she doesn't have sisters, but she has a baby brother Logan. She had never really questioned it until this last month. So, I explained that Logan was in mommys tummy and he died and went to heaven. Instantly, her eyes got huge and was like "aaaahhhhggg Mommy I told you don't eat my baby brother Logan." Wow, what did I get myself into. So I tried to explain that babys grow in mommys tummys before they crawl and walk and talk and that I didn't eat her baby brother Logan. I'm not sure that it really got through but she kind of dropped the subject. The next day I'm getting ready for work and she says, "Mommy, I no have sisters I have a brother Logan?" So I say yes and I ask her where he is, 'your tummy!!" oh geeze, the rumors that could get started!! So, I again sit down and explain to her that Logan isn't in my tummy anymore that he was born and he went to Heaven. She walked away and again I thought the subject was dropped. She then walks into my room with her rain boots on and asks if her lady bug boots are okay for Heaven. What do you say to that????!?!?!? I simply told her she could wear whatever she wanted to Heaven but to please wait for a long long time... I know that we will have MANY more conversations about Logan and him being in Heaven.. I just hope I'm better prepared for that!!

Monday, March 11, 2013

a concert and some kiddo fun

I went to a concert this weekend. The Locked and Reloaded tour with Dierks Bentley and Miranda Lambert. Probably one of the better concerts I've ever been to! I went with one of my best friends in the whole entire world. It was so much fun!
Here are some pics from the night.

 Then on Sunday, Lexi and I had a play date with another dear friend. The kiddos had an amazing time! This little play area at the mall.

I would say this weekend was a success! This Sunday is St. Patrick's Day. Are you doing anything fun?

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Wanna be my bestie? You should know some things

I saw this post on Little Miss Momma about things you should know if we are going to be BFFs.

I had insomnia my senior year of highschool and I think it was because of all the oranges I ate.
I hate laundry, but love the smell of fabric softner.
I don't own an iron.
I've always wanted to ride a bull.
I said my first curse word in third grade and thought I was a big deal.
I am the baby.
I was the oops in my family, my oldest sister is 12 years older than me, then my next sister is 10 years older and my brother is 6 years older.
I'm often told that I have an old soul, hippie soul maybe.
I find the positive in most any situation.
I like to be crafty and feel like a failure if something doesn't turn out the way I have it pictured in my head.
I wanted to be a lawyer when I grew up.
I am a pretty dang good shot... but I don't own a gun (unless you consider a bb gun)
For my 5th birthday I got a bb gun, it's a tradition.
I didn't get my ears pierced until I was 13. They closed and then I got them repierced when I was 22, since then I've gotten an additional hole.
I have two tattos.
I believe a hug and a 'sorry' can fix most fights.
I don't like fish, but love shrimp.
I talk to at least one member of my family every day. (mom, dad, sisters or brother)
I feel like I lived in Leave it to Beaver land for a majority of my childhood.
I was a tomboy growing up, playing in the woods and building forts.
I knew every single name of the people I graduated with, and I'm friends with most of them on Facebook.
I have a love affair with Dr. Pepper and fried pickles.

I'll do another post like this sometime soon... kind of fun. Link up in the comments and we will keep this going. What should I know about you?

Stuffed Peppers

So I will be the first to admit that I am NOT a wonderful cook. My mom is a fantastic cook. She always had hot yummy dinners to feed us every night. I totally slack in that department. If I don't have things planned out, we typically go grab something to eat that is TOTALLY not healthy (hello McDonald's and Wendy's)
So with the addition of Pinterest to our lives I've ventured out and made some super yummy things. When I say yummy, I mean for me they are yummy.. and even Lexi enjoyed them. The Mister on the other hand would probably pass these up by just the pictures, but since he hasn't really been home to try these, we will just file these under the Yummy category!

Stuffed Peppers!
One pound of ground Turkey
Chili Powder 2 tsp
Garlic Powder 1 Tablespoon
Onion powder 1 Tablespoon
a can of Rotel
a can of Black Beans
2 cups of brown rice
Brown the ground turkey, drain. Once the turkey has been browned add the seasonings, Rotel and the Black Beans. Meanwhile cook the brown rice per the directions on the box. Once rice is done, combine the turkey mixutre and the rice and continue to simmer on low while preparing your pepper.
I cut red and yellow bell peppers (2 of each) lengthwise and cleaned them out. I placed them in a casserole. Fill each half with as much filling as you can, smooshing it a bit.
cover generously with cheese, We used the Kraft Mexican blend.
Pop in a 350 degree oven for 20 minutes or until the cheese is all bubbly.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Closure with a constant reminder

This weekend the mister and I finally got tatoos to memorialize Logan. We have talked about getting these tattoos really since Logan died, we knew that he was a part of us and we wanted to have a constant reminder, a symbol, of him being close to us.

Mine is Logan's foot prints in a heart with wings. I'm in LOVE! (please excuse the flab... :) )
Johnny's is a celtic cross, filled with fathers knots with Logan's name and his angelversary date.

It was a great experience. I was so nervous because I went by myself. Johnny was supposed to be there with me, however they called after Lexi had gone to sleep and there was NO way we were going to wake her up. It feels, now, like it was supposed to be just me. A time for me to reflect, to tell Logan's story to a person who I have no connections to. To relive the pain, but also reflect on the many blessing Logan has created. While he (Joel)  was doing my tattoo he made a comment that stuck with me. "Sometimes the easiest way to have closure is to have a constant reminder." EXACTLY!

Stay strong in those moments of weakness, you never know what lesson  you are learning, but rest assured there is a lesson there.

Have you ever done something to help with closure that is a constant reminder? I'd love to hear about it!

(Oh the tatoo place that we did these at is call Aftershock Tatto in Olathe, Ks. Joel Jenkins did these tattoos for us and even if he never finds out that I've posted this, he deserves the biggest shout out, he did these tattoos with such grace and kindness that it blew both Johnny and I away)

Friday, March 1, 2013

old lady

I've found a new addiction! (not to say that I have wrong addictions, dr pepper, peanut butter and pickle sandwiches and starting projects and never really finishing them) I'm crocheting and knitting! I feel like I'm an old lady. While others are out getting drinks and whoopping it up, I'm snuggled at home making scarves! And you know, I'm okay with it! I've always been an old soul, but now I'm really acting like it!
I learned how to finger crochet (yes! with my fingers!!! so super easy)  and how to arm knit from youtube. I think that they are super cute and I've even sold a couple of them! I have been told that I'm just too crafty. Really, I think I'm just way too cheap! I've seen some scarves like the one's I've made for sale on Etsy for $25-$30! Not sure I would pay for it when I could do it myself! I think I might have a different outlook on it if I couldn't make them. I know that some people just aren't capable of doing these things, and that's okay, but I am. Here are a couple of pictures of a couple that I've made!


She is the BEST model!!!