Wanna be my bestie? You should know some things

I saw this post on Little Miss Momma about things you should know if we are going to be BFFs.

I had insomnia my senior year of highschool and I think it was because of all the oranges I ate.
I hate laundry, but love the smell of fabric softner.
I don't own an iron.
I've always wanted to ride a bull.
I said my first curse word in third grade and thought I was a big deal.
I am the baby.
I was the oops in my family, my oldest sister is 12 years older than me, then my next sister is 10 years older and my brother is 6 years older.
I'm often told that I have an old soul, hippie soul maybe.
I find the positive in most any situation.
I like to be crafty and feel like a failure if something doesn't turn out the way I have it pictured in my head.
I wanted to be a lawyer when I grew up.
I am a pretty dang good shot... but I don't own a gun (unless you consider a bb gun)
For my 5th birthday I got a bb gun, it's a tradition.
I didn't get my ears pierced until I was 13. They closed and then I got them repierced when I was 22, since then I've gotten an additional hole.
I have two tattos.
I believe a hug and a 'sorry' can fix most fights.
I don't like fish, but love shrimp.
I talk to at least one member of my family every day. (mom, dad, sisters or brother)
I feel like I lived in Leave it to Beaver land for a majority of my childhood.
I was a tomboy growing up, playing in the woods and building forts.
I knew every single name of the people I graduated with, and I'm friends with most of them on Facebook.
I have a love affair with Dr. Pepper and fried pickles.

I'll do another post like this sometime soon... kind of fun. Link up in the comments and we will keep this going. What should I know about you?

Stuffed Peppers

So I will be the first to admit that I am NOT a wonderful cook. My mom is a fantastic cook. She always had hot yummy dinners to feed us every night. I totally slack in that department. If I don't have things planned out, we typically go grab something to eat that is TOTALLY not healthy (hello McDonald's and Wendy's)

So with the addition of Pinterest to our lives I've ventured out and made some super yummy things. When I say yummy, I mean for me they are yummy.. and even Lexi enjoyed them. The Mister on the other hand would probably pass these up by just the pictures, but since he hasn't really been home to try these, we will just file these under the Yummy category!

Stuffed Peppers!

One pound of ground Turkey

Chili Powder 2 tsp

Garlic Powder 1 Tablespoon

Onion powder 1 Tablespoon

a can of Rotel

a can of Black Beans

2 cups of brown rice

cheese

Brown the ground turkey, drain. Once the turkey has been browned add the seasonings, Rotel and the Black Beans. Meanwhile cook the brown rice per the directions on the box. Once rice is done, combine the turkey mixutre and the rice and continue to simmer on low while preparing your pepper.

I cut red and yellow bell peppers (2 of each) lengthwise and cleaned them out. I placed them in a casserole. Fill each half with as much filling as you can, smooshing it a bit.

cover generously with cheese, We used the Kraft Mexican blend.

Pop in a 350 degree oven for 20 minutes or until the cheese is all bubbly.

ENJOY!

Closure with a constant reminder

This weekend the mister and I finally got tatoos to memorialize Logan. We have talked about getting these tattoos really since Logan died, we knew that he was a part of us and we wanted to have a constant reminder, a symbol, of him being close to us.

Mine is Logan's foot prints in a heart with wings. I'm in LOVE! (please excuse the flab... :) )

Johnny's is a celtic cross, filled with fathers knots with Logan's name and his angelversary date.

It was a great experience. I was so nervous because I went by myself. Johnny was supposed to be there with me, however they called after Lexi had gone to sleep and there was NO way we were going to wake her up. It feels, now, like it was supposed to be just me. A time for me to reflect, to tell Logan's story to a person who I have no connections to. To relive the pain, but also reflect on the many blessing Logan has created. While he (Joel)  was doing my tattoo he made a comment that stuck with me. "Sometimes the easiest way to have closure is to have a constant reminder." EXACTLY!

Stay strong in those moments of weakness, you never know what lesson  you are learning, but rest assured there is a lesson there.

Have you ever done something to help with closure that is a constant reminder? I'd love to hear about it!

(Oh the tatoo place that we did these at is call Aftershock Tatto in Olathe, Ks. Joel Jenkins did these tattoos for us and even if he never finds out that I've posted this, he deserves the biggest shout out, he did these tattoos with such grace and kindness that it blew both Johnny and I away)

old lady

I've found a new addiction! (not to say that I have wrong addictions, dr pepper, peanut butter and pickle sandwiches and starting projects and never really finishing them) I'm crocheting and knitting! I feel like I'm an old lady. While others are out getting drinks and whoopping it up, I'm snuggled at home making scarves! And you know, I'm okay with it! I've always been an old soul, but now I'm really acting like it!
I learned how to finger crochet (yes! with my fingers!!! so super easy)  and how to arm knit from youtube. I think that they are super cute and I've even sold a couple of them! I have been told that I'm just too crafty. Really, I think I'm just way too cheap! I've seen some scarves like the one's I've made for sale on Etsy for $25-$30! Not sure I would pay for it when I could do it myself! I think I might have a different outlook on it if I couldn't make them. I know that some people just aren't capable of doing these things, and that's okay, but I am. Here are a couple of pictures of a couple that I've made!

 

 

 

  

She is the BEST model!!!

Making memories

We had a news making snowstorm today! I was stupid and decided that I could make it to work. Lets just say after a five hour drive home, the awesomeness of my neighborhood and the grace of God we were safe and sound. The mr is out of town again. He is typically the snowday play person. Today I took that job over and we had a ball!!!! Sharing some pictures simply to remember this time and the memories.

Forgiveness

I've been blessed. Really. My entire life, I've never had a shortage of blessings. Even in the deepest toughest experiences there have been blessings.

One of the blessings that I've recently had is forgiveness and understanding.

And forgiveness and understanding from family is the best.

One of the relationships that really went south a couple years ago was with Mr. Clear's family. The relationship with his family was never what I would call close, but it was still a relationship, tested and cracked, but still there. We pulled away for many reasons, but most of which was our pride and our feelings, when we didn't have words to express our hurt. It has always been hard for me to not have family around. My family is all gone from Kansas (besides my friends who are like my family). And I've always ALWAYS been a person who believed that family is important.

Last summer Johnny's sister popped by the house, totally unexpected, but I'm completely thankful that she did. Since then we've texted back and forth, kept in contact a little, very nonshalantly.
Remember my post about being intentional? I've really decided to take that to heart. So I've sought out opportunities to spend more time with my sister in law and her family. I've been intentional by asking for forgiveness for our shortcomings. I've asked to be more involved. I've become more honest with them than I ever was, about my feelings, about our family, about our loss, about our hurt. Every time I've opened up, I've been received with open arms. It has really done my heart some good to know that I've set to clearing the path that we've made a mess. I know that there is much work to be done, but its a start.

The mister has a brother too. He's in the Navy. We haven't seen him since before Lexi was born. He had never met her, until this past weekend. I walked into my SIL house and he was there to great me, again, with open arms. A big hug. I literally had to hold back tears. I didn't get to ask for forgiveness, but I felt it was given. Lexi was being her shy little self and didn't really pay much attention to him, but He's still here for about a week, and I want to work on that! I want him to enjoy little miss the way she is, attitude and all!

The thing about forgiveness is that most times, its given without asking for it. There comes this time when the world gets awkward. You want to make things better, but you don't know the words to say... sometimes there are no words to say. I've been blessed with forgiveness by being open and honest. I've been blessed with forgiveness by doing nothing but hugging. Its amazing how matters of the heart can be so simple, if you only stop holding on to the fear.

What have you been fearing? What do you want to ask forgiveness for? What's stopping you?

change in perspective

Unconditional love is a hard thing. And building a relationship off of unconditional love is a really hard thing. Have you ever stopped to think about unconditional love? Its like a promise that no matter what a person does you still love them. Everything these days has conditions on it. I'll admit, I've put conditions on my relationships, unintentionally, but they are there. You do this for me and I'll continue to love you. I mean I don't say that out loud, but its there. Does that make me a bad person? Probably, but it also makes me human... it also allows me to accept that this is a place that I need to focus on. An area in my life that needs work.
I've told you how the mister lost his job. I'll admit that it is completely stressing me out, but I have to have faith that something will turn up. But its also shown me this side of my heart. I feel like I'm taking on the entire load right now and that its all me, financially right at this moment, that may be true. However my side is not the only side, finances is not the only load to be held right now. Johnny is holding a lot too. He's holding the fear that he may not be able to find a job, that he may not be able to help pay the bills, that he may not be living up to his expectations of himself. Boom... that's a lot to put on a person. I am worrying about tangible things while he is worrying about his self worth... and he's doing a damn good job of taking on the household chores while still battling the self worth issues.
Last night I got home after work and was dog tired. He could see it. He told me to go to bed, of course I fought it. He warmed up dinner and allowed me to go change out of my work clothes and spend a little time with Lexi. I hadn't noticed right off, but he'd done the dishes and done a couple loads of laundry. He'd also picked up and swept the living room. He allowed me to go tanning and spend a little me time. He tucked me into bed and told me he would put little one down for bed while stroking my hair, gave me a kiss and told me to have sweet dreams.
As I laid in bed I overheard him talking sweet words to our baby girl. Knowing he was frustrated with the fact that it was now 11:30 and she still wasn't in bed asleep, but instead of getting angry he offered to cuddle. I began to feel a bit guilty (don't even know that is the right word) I know that we will make it through this rough patch financially, faith... I realized that I've got the weight of nothing on my shoulders when compared to this man who is dealing so much and still using kind words and loving actions. He's questioning his entire existence but yet still holding tight the ones that help him exist.

He's amazing.  He's my cheerleader. He's the one the pushes me. He made me a mother. He made me a wife. He's held my hand. He's dried my tears. He IS unconditional love.